I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
