I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
this is an emotional support booty call
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
