I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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