Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize