now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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