Don't you send me to vm
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize