i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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