I didn't shave. On purpose
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just want nice things and good sex
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
