Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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