Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize