I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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