I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
