somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We are two peas in an std pod
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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