either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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