So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
