you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
