she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
3pm strippers are depressing
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
