I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
