Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
