highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
