we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
