Apparently you make a good broom.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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