don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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