I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
