that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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