im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
