Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
