A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
