I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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