DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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