just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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