You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
