i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
