Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
