i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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