im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
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