I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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