We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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