i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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