if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
