Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
