walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
