OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
