all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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