I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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