one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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