I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
