I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
