3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
