I'm eating all of the evidence.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
