I puked a lego.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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