I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
