the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
