We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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