I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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