What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
