I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
