I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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