oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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