bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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