3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
