God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
is wine microwaveable?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You have to summon your inner elephant
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize