I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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