sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
