How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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