I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
