just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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