it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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