I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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