No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
