I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
