Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
