I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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