I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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