Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
