I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
