She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
im having a threesome with these popsicles
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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